Even the better if you don’t even make rules. Be it business, manners or relationships, rules are made by society.
Merriam Webster defines society as
a voluntary association of individuals for common ends.
Or even more precisely
an enduring and cooperating social group whose members have developed organized patterns of relationships through interaction with one another.
Society defines how we should speak, how we should act, what career paths are respectable, what life choices are good and which are bad or a mistake. We grow up with a certain life plan laid before us. If we don’t have a first boyfriend by the age 14, it’s weird. If we don’t graduate by 24, we’re weak-minded. Women are mostly influenced by the pressure of being married by the age of 30. If we don’t share a living space with our partner, our relationship is disfunctional. And I could go on forever! But I won’t. For the simple reason that I will no longer keep these thoughts to myself (hence a blog post. And please, feel free to share).
That’s right, Society. This girl ain’t playing your game! Never have, never will. As of the age of 17 (incidently, the year I came to Germany), I’ve always taken the back road. It’s always been bumpy, but there was always a wild bush man to help me out of trenches (whoa, big metaphor here!).
During school years I was always the A-student. But with a twist. I was a trouble-maker with a halo. Rebel in disguise. Did tons of stupid (yet funny) stuff. Throwing the teacher’s laptop out of the second story window, just to name one (my teacher found it hilarious, funny enough. Men are odd. But that’s a different subject.). Pretty much the same with my career. I chose a very “alternative” way of starting my career. Then it was pretty standard for a few years. Making a big cut again now, though. So I’m back at having to take all those glances and remarks “oh, how daring!” or “that’s interesting“. By the way, “interesting” is a non-word. Don’t use it.
Relationships and what constitutes a healthy, loving, perfect relationship are also mentioned in the rule book, right under the chapter Man-made, unnatural living conditions. I am a strong believer that the human being is born as an individual. Every person has his own thoughts, opinions, ideas, behavior-glitches just as he/she has his own DNA. Sure, you might find your soul mate (also a non-word) with whom you have a 97% match. Congratulations! Go be happy, get married, have kids, write a book, plant a tree. For the rest of us normal people, society dictates us to melt and form one identity with our partners. More than often enough, this goes terribly wrong. Which is no wonder, since we are put under such immense pressure to find someone (before turning 30, naturally) and then merging our brains.
You know what really scares me? The fact that we automatically think this way. It’s like we’re programmed. I recently caught myself trying to define a perfectly healthy and wonderful relationship in the terms society provides me with:
a) it’s a relationship and you have to spend time together, commit and be enstranged from one another while still being tied to each other
b) it’s not a relationship and something is wrong.
Thank god my consciousness gave me a good slap in the face in time. As in life, a relationship is just a word to describe a state which you define, which you set the rules to together with your partner. It’s not about living with someone in a 1,000 square foot apartment with the same friends and bridge night on Mondays. It’s about daring to make your own rituals and rules. And if that means that you live hundreds of miles apart, see other people, and are not ashamed to say that you are happy that way, then go ahead!
It’s your life. Isn’t it time we stopped letting society and that program in our heads dictate it? Isn’t it time we got the guts to stand up, smear soot on your cheeks and let out a war-cry (very liberating by the way)?